A writer/editor friend sent me this lovely list. Imagine editors everywhere squirming as they read it!

Rules for Writers:

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid clichés like the plague—they're old hat.
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. Kill all exclamation points!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earthshaking ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not.

Of course, this list points to the strictest use of the language—the kind used in theses and articles for scientific journals. Some of them indicate proper use of grammar; others can be interpreted more as style. Creative writers often take liberties with style, and that is perfectly acceptable; but one should understand the rules and know when they are breaking away from basic structure.

In creative writing, we understand that there must be a framework. Consider the element of plot. If there isn't a strong story line upon which events are built, the reader is less likely to stay involved. You can "hang" anything you want to from the framework—subplots that enrich the action and add depth to the theme—but you must continue to pull the thread of the established story through to the end. (Rule # 19—analogies.)

Grammar is a framework, too. Certainly you can digress from the established norm; but you have to know what the norms are to do that effectively. And (Rule #3—starting a sentence with a conjunction) if you don't know what the basic rules of English are, you can come off sounding really uneducated. That can pull the reader away from your story, and mire him/her in sentences that "just don't sound right."

Having said that, I want to point out that certain rules should NEVER (Rule #14—generalization) be broken. For instance, verbs do have to agree with their subjects. The real problem I see with this occurs with the use of indefinite pronouns. Words like no one and everyone are always singular; but none and few can be either singular or plural. Next, apostrophes have definite homes, and should not be allowed to roam at will. I also suggest that everyone learn the difference between there, their and they're, and your and you're. I see misuse of these words quite often (Rule #20—passive voice).

Other rules of the road (Rule #5—clichés):

• Remember that hyphens are not used with the word very, nor with adverbs that end in -ly.
• An em dash (used to indicate a change in thought) does not have spaces on either end. An en dash (used between words indicating things like duration, in place of the word to) does.
• Standard practice now is to have only one space at the end of a sentence or after a colon.
• Spell out whole numbers below 10, and use figures for 10 and above.
• Drop the comma before the word and or in a list.

The bottom line is that nobody can remember all the rules. I suggest getting a good style book to be your constant companion. Most editors with whom I work (Rule #2—proper position of a prepositional phrase) prefer the Chicago Manual of Style, 14th Edition. (There are others that are also credible.) (Rule #8—parenthetical remarks.)

So (Rule #3—starting a sentence with a conjunction) how creative can we get, once we know the rules? Extremely! (Rules #18—one-word sentences—& 23—exclamation points.) (Ampersand: Rule #17.) Did you ever read e.e. cummings? His breaking of the rules (Rule #20—passive voice) is the very thing that makes one wonder at and ponder his poems. How about dialect or strong character identification?

"Ya'll gotta come on in an' see whut Ma done with the parlor. Ma, she'd be right proud ta show off them curtains she made. An' they was just flour sacks a week ago! That be all she had ta work with. Them an' her ole needle."

You'll notice that I have started at least two sentences in this article with conjunctions. This is a creative choice, done to connote a casual, conversational style (Rule #6—alliteration). Other exceptions (I hope) point out that there are times when the stylistic rules are secondary to the message.

Done deliberately and knowingly, ungrammatical writing delivers a powerful message. Done in ignorance of the rules, misuse weakens your presentation and credibility.